Loneliness is a funny thing

Today, I went to Busch Gardens with one of my dear friends and had a wonderful time. There were so many things I would've written about, but one little seemingly insignificant part of my day, really struck me. :) So here goes nothin'.

     When I was waiting in line to ride Apollo's Chariot, I observed a cute couple. This couple in their late teens, was your typical, mushy-gushy teenage couple. She was a short, bubbly, blond, and he, a tall, tan, gorgeous athlete. They were "the perfect couple". As I stood there I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. She used the typical "I'm scared. I'm so sorry if I grab your arm during the ride" technique. Of course, he grinned and replied with a response along the lines of  "Sure, Don't worry. You have me with you". And they laughed and he grabbed her hand, as happy as could be.
 
     And here I, a fifteen year old freshman, have feelings bubble to the surface. They've always been there. Listening to this brief interchange sparked a loneliness in me. Just like every other person that has ever lived, the battle rages in my heart. There really is no reason for me to feel lonely. I have a wonderful church, great friends and an awesome family that surround me continually. While standing in this line, I was reminded of how my flesh can cry out for companionship. Of how, sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me they'd stay with me.
   
     Our society continually tells us that we need a lover to feel complete. There's nothing wrong with having a person to love. That is not what I'm saying, just to be clear. That feeling of loneliness, if you don't have a special someone, can destroy you. Loneliness can cross the line to self-pity oh-so easily.
   
      In that hot, crowded line I came to somewhat of an....what do they call it??.. epiphany.. yes that's a good word. Probably just a big term for an idea, if you ask me. I realized that I have no right to pity myself. Look at the cross. Christ died for me and took all my sin and shame and here I am complaining about "being alone" or obsessing about the future. By dwelling on these feelings, I lose sight of my heavenly father.    
   
     I really don't even mean to have these feelings. I want to focus solely on Christ at this point in my life. In these weak moments of loneliness, I want to remember God. Maybe God places those lonely moments just to say, "Hey,you're lonely? I'm right here. Stop searching in the wrong place for acceptance. I love you more than any friend or lover could. Look to me, child".

Christ is my treasure and I am His. 

Patience is a difficult thing!

 Patience is a difficult thing! 

Alright, So if you know anything about my family, you know we've been going through a lot of changes lately.Well, to start, in October we unexpectedly got custody of my three cousins Cain (8), Angel (6) and Dahlia (2months). It has been a battle ever since the beginning.

Shortly following getting them, we realized that these kids have endured serious abuse in every way a kid can be abused. They have many peculiar mannerisms and disturbing behavior that we have to correct daily.

  It has been the most exhausting, frustrating, irritating, and crazy months of my life. In these moments of frustration,  I am reminded just how much God loves and cares for me. It's crazy basically being a "mom" at fifteen.My mom works a lot, and sometimes I just want to give up. Between washing grimy dishes, attitudes of grouchy siblings, helping with homework, desperately trying to keep up with my own schoolwork, I'm exhausted. I literally drop in bed at night.

We are making progress, but it's slow moving and often times, take a lot of patience.

It's been tough, but I have made it through the school-year! :)

Cain (p.s. He's not really mad :P)

Miss.Angel

Dahlia and Me, obviously

Angel and Dahlia

Cain, Angel, and Dahlia

:)

Angel :)

I miss being little!

I miss being little! 

In order to understand my present, you need to know my past. So let's start at the beginning.Shall we? I was born in North Carolina on January 13, 1997.
As a child, things were great. I had 4 other siblings to cause trouble with. We were a pretty rambunctious clan. Just imagine 5 young children, each about a year apart in age, roaming the neighborhood. We loved eachother, but goodness did we fight. The five of us, we bickered and fought, but there were also times of great love and compassion.Seeing as how my identity is so intertwined with my siblings, let me to tell you a little about them.


As a child each of us had our own, very unique personality.

Elizabeth, or Liz as we call her now, was the oldest of the five. She's always had an old soul and was incredibly smart. I remember her being "the artsy child". She preferred to be inside working a puzzle or drawing. Most people believed Elizabeth  to be shy and quiet, but believe me, she was anything but. (:  I was always jealous of her, secretly, of course.

Next came me, Cat, the "determined one". You see I was always very observant and had a big heart. Even as a little girl, I could pick out the one hurting person in a crowd. I was not an inside child. I loved the way the wet grass felt between my toes.I even remember carrying around a little denim kindergartner backpack. It was my "Nurses's bag" packed full of antibiotic ointment, cotton balls, and enough band-aids for the entire neighborhood. I was also very persistent and determined, and had to prove all the boys in the neighborhood wrong. I would do anything on a dare. :)


Josh was always the "quiet child". He was sensitive and caring. He really was the ideal child with a cheeky smile and a heart of gold, and was almost never difficult. He always put up with my bossing. Josh always seemed like he needed to be defended and cared for. Growing up, we were like twins. In fact, we often got asked if we were. We did everything together. Now though, he can make all of us laugh until we cry. He is incredibly funny and I wish he would show that more to other people.



Hannah, the "wild child". She was indepenent, dramatic, and often times, blunt. She was ...well.. a troublemaker. (:  She was spunky and always moving. Mom always said each of us had an invisible bungee cord and would come back if we went too far. But not Hannah, she would go forever and never turn back. I loved her, but I didn't truly know her until a few years ago.I have recently found that she has a tender heart, and cares so much about others.

And lastly, Jeffery, "the baby". From the very start, he was a hilarious child. Even at the age of  two, he knew how to make others laugh. Mom always tells us this one story about Jeff that never ceases to make me smile, even after the hundredth time hearing it over. When Dad came home from work, it was always a big deal. We would all swamp him and scream "Daddy! Daddy! Wanna hear what I did today?!?!". We would proceed to tell him something only a child would find amazing. But, my brilliant, hilarious little brother would proceed to scream at the top of his lungs, "MAMA!!!". You could see my father's face drop at the sound of these words. Mom would usually be cooking dinner and would wisely hide her chuckles behind a cookbook or pot. Of course, in time, we all grew to expect these little outbursts.He also wrecked and totaled the minivan at the age of three. I'll save that story for another time.

Here's just a few pictures to get to know us (:

 (: Hope you like it so far.